


so I been thinking that I think too much, and I can't sleep but I can dream of us

by Balthamos



Series: and this is how we know it'll be ok [2]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Fears and Insecurity, Friendship, Mentions of Racism and Islamophobia (but nothing has actually happened)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-07 19:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20822939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balthamos/pseuds/Balthamos
Summary: "Hey," he said quietly, glancing at David who didn't stir.“Hey I saw you were online, it's late?” she said.Matteo groaned and stretched.“I can't sleep,” he admitted.She frowned and moved her phone closer, peering at him.“Everything ok?” she asked.





	so I been thinking that I think too much, and I can't sleep but I can dream of us

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so more Matteo Amira best buds. This time featuring David too. Just like the last one, this came out of nowhere, but now that I have two I'm going to make it a series. I have a few ideas and the next couple will be Amira's POV as she navigates Australia, but I'm happy to take prompts on this too.

It was a little after three in the morning and Matteo couldn't sleep. He got like this sometimes when his thoughts were too many and too fast and he just felt overwhelmed, restless with it all. 

He'd spent a good hour pacing the flat trying to burn off the extra energy to no avail. He was back in bed now beside a soundly sleeping David just trying to be as still and quiet as he could be. He felt exhausted. He just wanted to sleep. 

His racing thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Amira was calling, trying to facetime. The lamp was already on because he hated sitting in the dark. It should be bright enough to see. He swiped to answer the call. 

"Hey," he said quietly, glancing at David who didn't stir. 

“Hey I saw you were online, it's late?” she said.

Matteo groaned and stretched. 

“I can't sleep,” he admitted.

She frowned and moved her phone closer, peering at him.

“Everything ok?” she asked. 

He didn’t want to get into this. He rubbed his hand over his face, then shifted so that he could hold the phone but rest it on his chest.

“Not really,” he whispered. 

“What's going on?” she asked gently. 

“Just feeling a bit you know? Getting a bit in my head,” he said.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Matteo closed his eyes. Did he want to talk about it? He didn’t really even know what _ it _was yet.

He opened his eyes again and sighed, Amira just watched him patiently.

“No… is… is that ok?”

Amira nodded and smiled at him.

“Of course. We can talk about something else? Distract you a bit,” she offered.

“Ok yeah that'd be good,” Matteo agreed. 

“Did you get the photos I sent?”

“Oh yes! They're great, Melbourne looks awesome! I liked the pictures of the gardens the best, I’m going to show them to my mama. It looks like you're having fun,” he said.

Amira smiled at him, but it was strained. Matteo wasn’t sure if it was the quality of the video call.

“I am…”

Matteo frowned, something was up.

“But?” 

“I guess I'm kinda lonely,” she admitted.

He wasn’t expecting that. Amira wasn’t really like him in that respect, she was very independent. She loved her friends dearly but Matteo knew she also did just fine by herself.

“But you wanted to go by yourself,” he said.

“Yes I did. I do, but I thought I would make new friends once I'm here,” she explained.

“And you haven't?” 

“I feel like I haven't spoken to anyone in weeks. I mean I have obviously but just small talk. This is the first time I've talked properly in a while, apart from with my parents,” she said.

Matteo was confused. He wasn’t a chatty guy, but not talking at all, being all alone like that, sounded awful.

“I don't understand. Why aren't you talking to people?”

She was quiet for a moment. Frowning as she thought. 

“I'm afraid,” she admitted. 

“Afraid of what?” 

“I don't know how people are going to be. Before I left my mum warned me to be careful of people and I think she got into my head and now I'm scared to talk to anyone,” she said. 

Matteo just stared at her, it seemed a bit extreme. He wondered what her mum had said to her.

“Like at home I can kinda tell who is going to be racist right? Or Islamophobic but here I just can't tell at all and you know what I'm probably being stupid but I can't help it do you know what I mean?”

“Not really,” Matteo admitted.

“I get you,” David said, voice rough with sleep. 

He yawned and stretched before sitting up, blinking at the screen in Matteo’s hand. Matteo shifted so they could both see. 

“Hi,” David said.

“Hey David,” Amira said, smiling at him. 

“I know what you mean Amira, it's like you get used to reading the people around you they become predictable,” David said. 

“Exactly,” Amira agreed. 

“And then when you go somewhere new all that gets thrown out of the window right? You have to learn all over again and it's terrifying because who knows what could happen if you put your trust in the wrong person,” David said. 

Matteo just stared, he didn't know what to say, hadn't even realised they went through this.

“I wasn't afraid until I got here, and I'm sure people are fine but what if they're not?” 

“Well can't you find Muslim people to hang out with?” Matteo asked.

He knew he'd said the wrong thing as soon as the words left his mouth, When Amira scowled at him. He was about to get told off and he flinched. David rubbed his knee and got there before Amira could.

“She should be able to hang with anyone safely,” he explained gently.

“I know that but you didn't hear before she's lonely David. She hasn't spoken to anyone in weeks,” he argued.

He just didn’t want her to feel like this anymore, he wasn’t trying to upset her, but he only had stupid suggestions apparently.

“Ok, ok, I do get why you said that. Being alone is a big thing for Matteo,” David explained.

“I hate it, it’s the worst thing in the world,” he whispered.

Amira’s frown softened slightly.

“Ok I do see where you're coming from, I know what you’re trying to say, but David’s right. I need to feel safe around people here,” she said.

“I don't know how to help,” Matteo said.

“I know and that's fine. I really just wanted to chat, plus I was worried you were up so late,” she said.

“Yeah I'm not too happy about that either,” David agreed, reaching out and rubbing his thumb across the bags under Matteo’s eyes. 

When he pulled back Matteo rolled his eyes. 

“It’s what half three there?”

“Yeah,” David said.

“I am sorry I woke you, I should have known you’d be there too,” she said.

“Nah it’s fine, it was nice to speak to you,” David said.

Matteo zoned out of their conversation. He still wanted to help. He hated that Amira was going to hang up the phone and go back to not speaking, he hated that she was so genuinely afraid of being hated that she wouldn’t risk it. Who could ever hate Amira? She was one of his best friends.

There had to be something he could do. David had taken the phone from him at this point so he could see better. Matteo pressed his hands against his eyes, trying to think. David hated when he did that, Matteo felt him trying to pull his arms away but he ignored him. They couldn't just accept this. Amira couldn't just spend her entire gap year alone and oh! He knew how he could help.

“I know! I know!” Matteo said.

David turned the phone so they were both in the frame again. 

“You know what?” David asked.

“Lorenzo he can help,” Matteo told them.

“Ok,” David said, waiting for him to elaborate.

“Ok sorry who is Lorenzo?” Amira asked, frowning, not as patient with Matteo’s disjointed thought process as David.

"Lorenzo, Lori, he’s my cousin. Don't worry he's really chill, barely has anything to do with my papa, he can help find friends for you.” Matteo explained.

It was so obvious he didn’t know why it took him so long to think of it.

“Ok how?” Amira asked slowly.

“Oh he lives in Canberra. That's where you're going next right?”

Matteo saw the realisation on both their faces, and realised he hadn’t been as clear as he’d thought. Still they got it now.

“You have a cousin in Australia?” Amira asked slowly.

David just smiled at him. 

“I have cousins everywhere. We're Italian,” Matteo explained. 

“Fair.” 

“He's a postgrad at the uni right? So he's a bit older than us but I'll message him. You can meet and he'll help you find some people to hang out with, students and stuff,” Matteo suggested.

“You don't think I should hang out with him?” Amira asked. 

“I mean if you want but Lori’s really boring. He studies mushrooms or something and for fun he plays with model trains and stuff,” Matteo told them.

Amira laughed. 

“But he's really kind right? When he heard from my nonna what papa had done he went mad. Offered to pay rent, pay for mama’s treatment. He hated the idea of me having to grow up too quickly. I mean it was already too late but I appreciated the sentiment.”

Matteo remembered Lori’s concern, he’d called every few days back when his dad had first left. It had been a real source of comfort when he’d been so deep in his struggles. They were pretty close, despite the distance and years between them.

“And he's supportive of me being gay, which papa isn't too happy about called him up told him to stop encouraging me,” Matteo said.

“What did he say to that?”

“Told him to fuck off, said he’d lost any right to stick his nose into my business the minute he’d fucked off and left his sixteen year old son without a guardian, and reminded him that child abandonment is a form of neglect and abuse and perhaps he should keep quiet in case somebody calls social services,” Matteo said.

“Wow,” David said, looking impressed.

“Yeah he’s fierce when he’s protective,” Matteo said.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” Amira said.

“I'll call him later,” Matteo said. 

“Thank you Matteo for caring and thank you David for talking to me. It helps when someone else gets it,” she said.

“Anytime,” David said. 

Matteo didn't mean to close his eyes but suddenly they were itching and heavy. All his restless thoughts had gone, he hadn’t realised when it happened, but his mind was quiet. He felt calm now.

“He's falling asleep,” Amira said. 

“We must be boring him,” David said.

“I'm awake,” Matteo insisted, but it didn't sound too convincing even to his ears.

“Go to sleep babe,” David said softly, pulling him down the bed so that he was resting on his chest, wrapping his free arm around him.

“But Amira,” he said quietly. 

He couldn’t make his eyes open, they were so heavy. 

“Go to sleep Matteo I'll call again later," she said.

“I miss you,” he whispered.

“Aw I miss you too,” she said softly.

He knew they were pulling faces, he could just imagine the stupid fond expression on David’s face. He wanted to tell them to shut up, but he just couldn't open his eyes right now. He’d tell them later.

**Author's Note:**

> Amira's worries in this one are based on my own experiences and worries, like it never stops me travelling, and I travel a lot, but I am always more aware of people eyes on me when I'm in a different country. You never quite know what people are thinking after all.
> 
> Comments? Questions? Ideas you'd like to see in this series find me here [@youmustbestrongernow](http://www.youmustbestrongernow.tumblr.com)


End file.
